Even though I am American, I’ve never raised children in America. I was about 5 years into our German adventure when I had our first Berliner. Now we have two and I am often split between the two countries on my parenting-style; not quite American, not nearly German.

But that doesn’t stop the well-meaning questions from friends, family, and even strangers back in the States. We are in Washington State now, visiting the grandparents and assorted loved ones, and I do my best to field a host of question about the differences between having a kid in the States versus Germany. Sometimes I can explain the differences quite clearly, but often it is just a feeling, hard to explain these subtle distinctions.

KiTa’s Sommerfest PHOTO: Erin Porter

Former GW blogger, Jane, talked about this in her post, “Raising ‘Free Range’ Kids in Germany“. I also had a clash of cultures on a previous visit back to the USA when my daughter was deemed to be too far away from me by salespeople in a store. It is a bit of a balancing act finding your norm, and then finding it doesn’t work in one country.

Gamely, I try to answer these curious questions about raising kids in Germany and it often has me thinking about the differences as well. Here are a few questions about raising kids in Germany.

Do they speak German?

Our new baby is 2.5 months old so he doesn’t say much of anything, but I expect, like his older sister, he will speak English first and German second. That is because my husband and I are both native English-speakers and speak English at home. However, everything outside the home – including KiTa – is German.

For ages we only heard my daughter speak English and though she seemed to understand German just fine, we worried she wasn’t actually picking up the language. More recently, she and her friends are communicating more directly, actually talking to each other, and we can finally hear her speak German from time to time. The goal is for her to be a native-speaker in German and English, both spoken and written and it is more challenging than it sounds.

That said, this is not the case for all kids in Germany. There is the possibility to go to schools that are English-only in international cities like Berlin. Some people aren’t moving their whole life to Germany and only expect to be there a few years.

In our case: yes, they speak German.

Do they go to school or daycare?

As alluded to in the first answer, KiTa (or Kindertagesstätte) is a big part of our lives. It is a bit hard to describe to Americans as we really don’t have anything quite like it.

KiTas are available from around 1 (although some Krippes – baby KiTas – take children as young as a few months) and care for children until they enter formal education. It depends on the state you are in, but a percentage of their care is covered by the state. In Berlin, it is almost completely covered to allow mothers and fathers to return to work – a welcome holdover from the GDR days.

Most days are loosely regimented. There is breakfast (individually provided) for the early-risers. Children should arrive before Morgenkreis (morning circle) where they go over the season, day of the week, and sing songs. Obst frühstück (fruit breakfast) follows at our KiTa as children never stop eating. Then there is the daily activity like music, a small Ausflug (excursion) to the park or somewhere, gym, or an English-lesson. Next is lunch, nap, then free-time before pick-up where they usually play in their garden. On top of this they have trips to the zoo, summer festivals, regular meetings about individual development and more.

Each KiTa is different, but all seem to offer a reliable schedule and plenty of activities. As a kid who went to childcare – and loved it – all throughout my youth, this seems far more structured than I remember. There is also a focus on socializing, rather than explicitly learning letters etc. While they do count and do the alphabet from time to time, it is most important the children know how to properly interact with each other and take instruction so they are prepared when they do enter school.

I don’t know if American pre-school is the same. A lot has changed since I was a kid. Anyone have feedback on this?

Do you like raising your kids in Germany?

This is much more nebulous than the first two questions. In short – yes. Otherwise, why would I be doing it?

But to break it down a bit:

• Work/Life Balance – For us, the balance of life in Berlin is far better than it was in Seattle. We actually lived in Berlin for a year initially, promising we would be back. And after the year and a whirlwind month+ tour of Europe at the end, we were. We moved back to Seattle and got real jobs and lived in a nice apartment. We were on the first step of responsible adulting. But days were long and grey at either end (not the best idea to move back to Seattle in winter). Our friends were growing up too and getting together was harder with everyone exhausted from their full-time jobs. Lack of public transportation meant someone always had to be the designated driver for a social gathering. It just wasn’t as fun as life in Berlin. So we moved back.
• Green City – For all the pictures of Berlin’s grey buildings, it is a fabulously green city. From the environmentally-minded citizenry to the many, many, many parks and playgrounds, it feels like the whole city is built for kids.
• Ample Services for Kids in Germany – This is the point that most makes sense to my parents. Among the many social services and excellent health care, we literally get money each month just for having a kid. Then there is the paternal leave, mandatory 6 weeks before and 8 weeks after the birth for mothers, with 14 months overall to split between the parents. And did I mention our KiTa costs are almost completely covered?

This is kinda the numbered pros I list to myself when I think about raising our kids so far away from our parents. I know it breaks their hearts, and ours. Especially this visit as my daughter has connected with them more than ever before, and run freely with her many cousins. We have friends in Germany, but no family.

For us, raising our children in Germany is the right choice. Do you have questions about raising your kids abroad? Feedback on your perspective? I’d love to hear it.